The Verge of Adulthood

It's a strange transition period I find myself in. Im about to graduate college with my Bachelors Degree, but I still ask my parents permision to go places or for $20 for lunch. I am in the process of applying for a teaching credential program but I find that it is ironic to be in complete charge of children when I still consider myself to be one. Its not that I still want to be a child, although I wont deny the perks of innocence and lack of responsibility, but it just seems like there is confusion among the "adults" in my life of how I am being treated. Am I an adult? Please give me that respect and trust. If I am still a child, let me know so I can set my personal standards a little bit lower than I have been trying to keep them. I am 22 and looking to buy a car, graduate college, begin career training, have been living hundreds of miles away on my own for the last 5 years, but my parents are hesitant of letting me stay out late with friends on a school vacation.
-Sincerely confused,
J.J.

Of Cabbages and Queens

The Walrus and the Fiancé
Or, the story of the curious bride.

The sun was shining on the ring
Shining with all its might
He did his very best to make
The proposal come out right
And this was odd because he was
Not the image of Mr. Right.

The man and woman headed home
Were walking hand in hand.
The dry clean only family
Will meet the blue collar man.

“Engaged?! The time has come” The Walrus said
“To talk of many things,
Of boys and veils and wedding rings,
Of cabbages and queens.
And why this boy should marry or not
And the size of diamond rings
Culoo Culaay no wedding day
For cabbages but queens!”

The boy was brown and she was crème
And he was poor and she was not
But this didn’t mean much to them
Until the mother began to scoff
And father said to daughter dear
She still had time to find one like us
Love means nothing if he can’t take care
Of you and home and all your fuss.

“But I love him” I say to father,
“You’re just a generation old
I can still get a job to provide,
Love fits into no known mold.”

“You couldn’t love the boy” The Walrus said
“He makes not many things
Of thousands of dollars or 401k’s
He’s a cabbage and you’re a queen.
And why we can’t approve of him
And we certainly can’t have a tanner man
Culoo Culaay no wedding day
Of minorities to queens.”

And so the family won the war
Of who to have and who to hold,
The family traditions you can’t break through,
Of racial color and bags of gold.

But had the marriage followed through
The steps of planning coming next
Pressures on mother to buy the dress
And the veil and the pearls and only the best.
And the mother must afford the dress
With the thousand dollar shiny tag
Cause that’s how she will show her love,
The family to show off all their swag.
And if you need more examples
Of what your wedding should resemble
There’s a royal wedding streamed live and recorded
For viewing and planning of your own ensemble.

Or tune in at 9pm on your Friday night,
The engaged woman stays at home in bed
And studies and plans it all off the screen
And watches girls cry imagining being wed
In dresses to live up to on their own special day
Images of fiancés who have large pocket books
And surprisingly or not are mostly white
Or have fiancés with monochromatic skin looks.


“The time has come” The Walrus said
“To talk of many popular things
Of bustles and lace and tv shows
Of TLC and prime time airings.
And Say Yes to the Dress
And designer brides
Culloo Culaay your beautiful today
If you’re a thousand dollar queen.

Now the mother can’t afford a dress
For a plus size daughter though
Plus size dresses are more expensive
And rolls and chins have no wedding glow.

Hit size 18, there are no dresses anyways
Designers don’t want fat brides in their gown
But what self loving bride isn’t willing to loose
A pound or twenty two or in your fat you’ll drown.
A bride with size 16 is barely in the clear
And if she should taste the reception cake
And cause her to gain but another inch
Becoming a plus size, what a mistake.

“The time has come” The Walrus said
“To talk of many things,
Of Kardashian style and receptions with gleen
Of cabbages and queens.
And why your budget is expanding still
Or your wedding will just go downhill.
Culloo Culaay come buy today
The overpriced dresses of queens.

And now we come to stand at the altar
Under the chuppah or blood stained cross
As prescribed by family traditions
Whether you wanted it or not.

So if you wanted to have that outdoor wedding
Or the quaint little ceremony with just a few
Too bad, you have to have the unity candle,
You get great aunt Patty and her little dog too

That wedding you wanted
Where it was your special day
Belongs to traditions and capitalism
And mass media! Hurray!
How beautiful, how lovely a day
Your wedding fit the bill
Of what weddings should look like
Supposedly designed by your own free will.

“The time has come,” The cabbages said
“To talk of other things,
Of DIY and cheaper options
Of no cabbages, we’re all queens.
And that the wedding you hope to have
Can be made on a budget for any lass
Culoo Calaay you too can wed today
Anyone can afford to be queen!

Project ideas in crafty magazines
Like Martha Stewart Living and DIY Bride
Offer ways to cut costs on arrangements and invites
And make a hairclip at home that’s perfectly dyed.

And if being queen is not your ideal
Then maybe a princess will have to do
A real princess loves to wear gemstones.
The princesses who wore sapphire said “I do.”
If your fiancé can’t afford diamond rings
Remind them of the fashion of gemstone bling.
Princess Diana and Princess Kate flash the blue
And that’s more colorful and affordable too.

“The time has come” the true queen said
“To talk of special things
Of who I want to love and wed
Of glitter glitz and gemstone bling
Of never being a cabbage, only just a queen.
And I will fit into the dress I want
No matter what slices of cake I eat
Culloo Cullay, my wedding day
Of the true and deserving queen!

Gaps

Ever have that feeling of being "left out" even though you get along with people and they genuinely arn't purposely ignoring you? This effect may be caused by one of two things, an age gap or a distance gap. I am going to self diagnose the cause of my constant loneliness/boredom to both of these factors. Growing up I was the one that just came too late, my closest cousin being 5 years older than me, my own sister 12 years older than me. No ones fault, my parents had tried to have a baby closer in age, just the way things happened. Doesn't mean it was easy though. I used to joke I was an only child with the perk of an older sister, she had moved out by the time I was 8 anyways so it certainly seemed that way. Coming of age I thought I might be finally "catching up" with my family, the difference between an 8 year old and 20 year old are very different from a 20 and 32 year old. Then she had Sophie, who I love dearly, but the dynamic changed once again. Now the gap is different, she joined the company of mothers and I still left a child, treated like a child even though I am now of drinking age.

The next gap, distance. Oh you have to travel away from home! My aunt was very enthusiastic about convincing me to travel for college, and thusly I found a new home 700 miles away. Love the school, hate the fact that this seems to have single handedly isolated me from everyone I have ever known. I am a very attached person to my close friends and family and what a slap in the face this move was. Love Humboldt county, hate the fact that its too far away for me to come home or to have anyone visit me. During parents weekend at school I try to just hide in my room rather than watch friends Merrily showing their parents and friends the campus, skipping a class to take them to the beach or hike in the redwoods. I sit at my computer praying someone I know pops on messenger so I don't have to rub my face in the fact that other people's families seem to be willing to make the effort to make them not feel so damn lonely. I have never in my life been a social butterfly, and I am comfortable not being the popular person so I usually have more acquaintances than friends. That being said now that a large portion of my friends have graduated and those grand total of 2 left up here are leaving before I am, I am experiencing a sort of bleak outlook on my near future.

I get it, its too expensive to visit and I just have to deal with me not being a part of everyone else's lives until I come home. I am in an awkward age in my family and they just cant wait for me to catch up before they start theirs, totally understandable. However this predicament still sucks, regardless of what is good and proper in its timing. Life still happens when I am away at school and I am going to just have to accept that I will miss out. I missed my dog dying, I missed my niece's first two years of growing up, I missed my dad's recovery from nearly dying, and my boyfriend has forgotten what my face looks like. United Airlines I dedicate this to you as a big FUCK YOU for charging $600 and holding a monopoly over flights out of this county.